Hearing about the importance of high self-esteem is fairly common, but what is self-esteem in the first place? Self-esteem refers to what you think of yourself, specifically how positively you evaluate yourself. You might notice that your evaluation might fluctuate from day to day, sometimes even several times within a day. Much of this is because humans are social creatures, which means we tend to compare ourselves to others, a task that has become exponentially easier with the rise of social media. With how inundated we are by social influence, building self-esteem might seem daunting, but achieving a healthy level of self-esteem can drastically improve overall well-being. Here are some strategies to boost your self-esteem.
1. What Does Comparing Yourself to Others Do? – Drop the Comparisons!
Expecting yourself to live up to someone else’s achievements is wholly unrealistic and a surefire recipe for disappointment. This is especially true if you don’t consider the differences between your life experiences. Stop comparing yourself to others! If you must compare at all, then try comparing your present self to your past self, because the only fair and realistic comparison you can make is with yourself. Instead of saying, “They’ve done so much, and I’ve barely made a dent,” consider asking a more realistic question like, “How am I doing with my goals now compared to a few months ago?” Others don’t live your life, so comparing yourself to them is unhelpful as it can diminish the value you might place on your own achievements. If you find yourself feeling down after some lengthy doom-scrolling, remember that social media typically only shows the flattering highlights others choose to post about their lives. Don’t let views and likes dictate your self-worth. If you need to get away from media exposure, consider taking a digital detox day.
2. How Do I Set Goals for Myself? Set workable goals!
Setting goals is a great way to boost mood and sense of purpose, but only if you know how to set them correctly. If you set goals that are unrealistic or unattainable, you’ll have a hard time achieving them, which will put a dent in your self-esteem. Instead, choose goals that are feasible for you so that you can experience a sense of accomplishment every time you check one off your task list. Using the SMART goals system is a fantastic way of making goals more workable. By using the SMART acronym, you can make sure that your goals are Specific and Measurable, so you know exactly when you’ve achieved them, Attainable and Realistic, so you don’t overwhelm yourself, and Time-bound, so you have a solid endpoint you can work towards. If you have any goals you’re currently working on, try reframing them in the SMART goal format – doing so can help you accomplish them with more purpose and confidence!
3. How Do You Start Setting Boundaries? – Take Care of Yourself!
Poor self-esteem and people-pleasing often go hand in hand. If that sounds like you, be careful not to let your self-worth be tied up with what you do for other people. Difficulty saying, “No,” to others can be detrimental to your mental health, as making too much room for their wants can take away from the time and energy that you’d otherwise devote to meeting your own needs. Remember to value what matters to you and stand up for it both in your personal and professional life. This might look like saying, “No,” to someone’s request for extra help when you yourself need a break, or it might look like specifically asking for a need to be met for your own stress reduction. Take some time to identify your values and boundaries, then consider how you might honor them and apply them in your day-to-day life so your worth is tied to yourself, not others’ opinions of you.
4. How to Practice Self-Kindness? – Value-Tag Your Wins!
How you speak to yourself can greatly influence your mood and sense of self-worth. The more you focus on something, the more valuable it’ll seem to your mind. This will create a feedback loop, amplifying attention on that facet of your life. Do you allow your attention to focus on your areas of difficulty or achievement? The more you intentionally focus on what you appreciate or admire about yourself, your interactions, or your day as a whole, the more value your mind will place on those positive perceptions, reducing the intensity of negative impact when something less than ideal happens. To start improving your self-talk, you can try making a list of traits, skills, or accomplishments you appreciate about yourself. You can also begin a gratitude journal to improve your outlook on life and recognize your day’s wins and joys, big or small.
5. How Do You Deal With Negative People In Your Life? -Surround yourself with gems!
Along with getting rid of your negative self-talk, it is important to distance yourself from the negative people in your life. Those who focus on your flaws or fill you with self-doubt will dim your self-esteem. However, just like gems, the positive people in your life will sparkle, and their shine will reflect on you, boosting your own glow. In contrast to the way negative individuals might hinder your growth, surrounding yourself with those who are supportive and nurturing will open your mind to more positive encouragement and a kinder view of yourself, improving your self-esteem.
Start Taking Care of Yourself Today!
Throughout the process of working on your self-esteem, it’s important to remember to be kind to yourself. There will be setbacks, days that the negative self-talk is loud, the comparisons are overwhelming, or the boundaries are particularly hard to set. Keep in mind that those days are less important than all the ways you keep honoring yourself by showing up and continuing to work towards improving. If you notice yourself struggling, reach out to a therapist. We at Avedian Counseling Center can help you build your self-confidence, self-worth, and self-esteem.
Silva Depanian is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (MFC#121864) and Certified Anger Management Counselor at Avedian Counseling Center, offering services via telehealth and in Glendale. She specializes in chronic pain management, anxiety, anger management, and codependent relationships, working with individuals and groups who are seeking a more fulfilling quality of life. Silva’s mission is to help clients achieve their goals using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Mindfulness techniques, through encouraging change, boundary setting, and healthy communication. Whether in individual sessions or group settings, Silva is here to listen, and works in tandem with clients on their journey towards balance and happiness.
Silva Depanian is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (MFC#121864) and Certified Anger Management Counselor at Avedian Counseling Center, offering services via telehealth and in Glendale. She specializes in chronic pain management, anxiety, anger management, and codependent relationships, working with individuals and groups who are seeking a more fulfilling quality of life. Silva’s mission is to help clients achieve their goals using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Mindfulness techniques, through encouraging change, boundary setting, and healthy communication. Whether in individual sessions or group settings, Silva is here to listen, and works in tandem with clients on their journey towards balance and happiness.
