Therapy is meant to be a place where you feel heard and supported by someone who understands you. Unfortunately, there may be times when you walk out of a session feeling like your therapist completely missed the point. Maybe they spent most of the hour trying to fix the problem, offered coping skills too quickly, or focused on details that did not feel important to you. That can be frustrating and painful. If this is happening, it does not mean you are doing therapy wrong, nor does it necessarily mean your therapist is bad at their job. Often, it means something in the relationship needs to be clarified, communicated, or repaired. Being clear, direct, and honest about what you are feeling can help you communicate to your therapist how they can work with you in an efficient way.
What Feels Off In Therapy
Before bringing it up, it can help to clarify what was missed. The topics you discuss in session may make sense to you, but your therapist is not living the experience with you. They do not know the people you are referring to, the community you are part of, or the family dynamics you have been navigating. Sometimes, what feels obvious to you may need more context for them to fully understand. This can lead to confusion because you may assume your therapist understands the full context, while they are only working with the pieces you have shared. Without enough background, they may misread the situation, focus on the wrong detail, or miss why something felt so painful to you. That being said, this does not mean you have to over-explain everything. There is a balance between giving enough context for your therapist to understand what happened and getting stuck in every detail. Most of the time, you do not need to explain every person, conversation, or backstory perfectly. Starting with the emotion can be enough.
Be Direct About It
It can feel awkward to tell your therapist that something is not working, but therapy should be a place where you can speak honestly. You do not have to explain it perfectly. You might say, “I left last session feeling misunderstood,” or “I think we moved into solutions before I was ready.” You could also say, “I don’t think I explained that clearly. Can we go back to it?” This kind of feedback is not about blaming your therapist. It is about helping both of you get on the same page. A good therapist should be open to slowing down, asking questions, and trying to better understand what you meant.
Clarify What You Need
Therapists may not always know whether you want advice, reflection, coping skills, or simply more space to process. If something does not feel helpful, try naming what would feel more useful in the moment. You might say, “I do want help with solutions, but I need to talk through the feelings first,” or “Can we slow down for a second? I don’t feel fully heard yet.” Small corrections like this can make a big difference in how supported you feel during therapy.
Pay Attention to Your Patterns
It may also help to notice what happens when you feel misunderstood. Do you shut down? Agree even when something does not feel right? Change the subject? Leave the session upset but say nothing? These patterns are worth bringing into therapy, too. Saying, “When I feel misunderstood, I tend to stop talking,” gives your therapist important information about how you communicate when things feel difficult.
Therapy Is a Conversation
Therapy is not about explaining yourself accurately the first time. It is a conversation that sometimes requires circling back, correcting misunderstandings, and saying, “Actually, that is not quite what I meant.” When you can name what feels missed and ask for what you need, therapy often becomes more useful. Misunderstandings do not always mean therapy is failing. Sometimes they are an opportunity to build a clearer, more honest relationship with your therapist.
Sasha Kleinman is a dedicated Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist who works with individuals, couples, and families seeking support through trauma, grief, relationship challenges, anxiety, and feeling out of alignment with the world around them. Her approachable style helps clients feel at ease as they explore their emotional experiences and move toward healing. Sasha practices under the supervision of Silva Depanian, LMFT (MFC#121864). Sasha offers therapy sessions in person at the Sherman Oaks and Woodland Hills offices, as well as via telehealth throughout California.
