You finally work up the courage to say “hi” at an event. The other person glances at their phone, mumbles a quick reply, and walks off. Your brain fills in the blanks almost instantly: “I’m so awkward. I don’t know what to say. No one ever wants to talk to me.”
That one uncomfortable moment turns into a story — a social anxiety script your mind replays anytime a connection feels risky. Your brain is often trying to protect you from future pain. But to make sense of the moment, it may label you as the problem. Maybe you cope with social anxiety by not seeing anyone, and as a result, you’re less likely to experience that sting of rejection again.
Not getting together with acquaintances may be a wise strategy when your nervous system is trying to avoid more pain. Still, it can also leave you feeling isolated, even when you want a connection. Social anxiety can show up as a form of protection – a way to caution us by scanning for signs of emotional risk, even in relationships that matter.
Developmental psychologist Jean Piaget called these mental shortcuts schemas. Schemas are an internal blueprint our brain uses to make sense of social experiences. When a situation doesn’t fit your existing social schema, you either:
- Assimilate it (fit it into what you already believe), or
- Accommodate by creating a new belief.
For people with social anxiety disorder, that new belief often becomes:
“I must be the issue.”
That’s how the schema shifts from “I had an awkward moment” to “I’m awkward.”
From there, your brain starts scanning for more “evidence”:
- A pause in conversation? They think I’m boring.
- Someone looks away? They’re not interested in speaking with me.
- You stumble over your words? I shouldn’t have spoken at all.
These everyday social interactions are filtered through a lens of self-criticism, not because they’re true, but because they once felt safer than not knowing why something hurt so much.
What Can Help Me With My Social Anxiety?
Social anxiety isn’t just about fear of judgment — it’s about the rules your brain has written to keep you from being hurt again. But those rules are often outdated. Therapy can help you examine said rules, rewrite them, and build new ways of thinking that don’t require abandoning who you are.
The required work doesn’t mean forcing yourself into loud parties or pretending to enjoy small talk. It means understanding your nervous system, noticing the stories your mind tells you, and building tools that help you feel grounded when you get anxious.
You don’t need to become someone else to feel connected. You just need space to be yourself, and participating in a social anxiety support group can help you build such connections.
Ready to Challenge Your Social Anxiety?
If you’ve ever wished you could quiet that spiral of overthinking after a social interaction, you’re not alone — and there are ways forward.
Ask our Avedian Counseling Center team about our upcoming Social Anxiety Support Group meeting in person at the Sherman Oaks, Los Angeles location. The group offers support to individuals wanting to overcome their social anxiety and build connections with people. Rejection sensitivity is also addressed and challenged through “Rejection Therapy”.
In my next post, I’ll share practical, compassionate tools to help you build social confidence at your own pace.
Sasha Kleinman is a dedicated Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist who works with individuals, couples, and families seeking support through trauma, grief, relationship challenges, anxiety, and feeling out of alignment with the world around them. Her approachable style helps clients feel at ease as they explore their emotional experiences and move toward healing.
Sasha has a special passion for working with couples and families. She helps partners and family members strengthen their relationships by developing assertive communication, active listening, and trust building skills. Whether it’s addressing unmet needs or restoring connection, Sasha supports clients in creating healthier, more fulfilling dynamics.
In her work with children ages six and up, Sasha gently helps young clients navigate life transitions at home and school, build emotional resilience, and grow self confidence. She also enjoys supporting neurodivergent individuals – both teens and adults – as well as military veterans and the loved ones who care for them.
Sasha’s therapeutic style is warm, collaborative, and grounded in evidence-based practices such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). She centers her clients’ lived experiences and goals while offering a safe, supportive environment where they can explore, heal, and grow – whether they’re starting therapy for the first time or returning to deepen their work.
Receiving her Master’s in Clinical Psychology from Pepperdine University, Sasha practices under the supervision of Silva Depanian, LMFT (MFC#121864). Sasha offers therapy sessions in person at the Sherman Oaks and Woodland Hills offices, as well as via telehealth throughout California.
