Guilt is an emotion that can feel like a heavy weight sitting on your heart or shoulders, leaving the carrier burdened with a sense of internal conflict. However, today we are slowing down to look at ways to get in tune with what this complicated emotion may be telling you. Taking the time to see the different sides to guilt and providing some space to discover the value of its signals.
Recognizing The Purpose of Guilt
For one, it is important to acknowledge that guilt has meaning and that at its core is not intended to make you feel stuck. Guilt often works as a guide that lets us know when our actions or behaviors have violated our values or harmed someone else. It can be a helpful reminder that we are connected to those around us and that our decisions can have notable effects. From small difficult to pinpoint mistakes to serious misdoings, guilt is an emotion that asks us to reflect, take responsibility, and figure out how to make amends.
In this sense guilt is a signal of how interconnected we are with the world and people around us. It is kind of like the butterfly effect, reminding us that our actions can have ripple effects and directing us to reflect on what type of impacts we have made. By creating room for our guilt, we are allowing ourselves to connect to our empathy and reaffirming that we are willing to do the hard work of living in tune with our values, especially when it is scary or overwhelming to admit where we have faltered.
The Burdens of Guilt
Like every emotion, guilt has a purpose, but it can be particularly hard to see it when we are stuck in that state of overwhelm. Our guilt can manifest as regret, self-doubt, and a felt sense of crushing distress. The weight of it sometimes feels insurmountable, creating an unrelenting sense of pressure, feeling unable to move or conceive of a way forward. When guilt feelings are ignored and suppressed for long periods of time, we risk the likelihood of depression or substance abuse.
Alas, it is important to understand that guilt, like all emotions, is transitory. Like a river, it ebbs and flows based on what is pouring into it. Given the opportunity to stop suppressing or ignoring the signals of guilt, you can begin to learn from the messages, seeing it as a catalyst for transformation.
Embracing Guilt
Sitting with your guilt doesn’t mean you are bound to get swept away by its forces, even though it can feel like a looming threat to even consider. However, what if we allowed guilt to be seen as an invitation for growth and self-reflection? Providing yourself with the time to address those feelings of regret with compassion and honesty. Allowing yourself to learn from the inevitable mistakes you will make as a human, so the next time you get to move differently.
The following are six ways to overcome feeling guilty when it arises:
Acceptance: One of the most important processes for getting through guilt is to acknowledge its presence and accept its message. Instead of pushing away or trying to deny the uncomfortable signal, we invite you to give your feelings room to be sat with and explore what is underneath.
Reflection: Provide yourself the time to reflect on what has contributed to these feelings of guilt. Address the actions or choices that have contributed to the guilt’s presence. What could you learn from this, and how can you use this experience as an opportunity for change?
Taking Responsibility: Acknowledging your role and responsibility of actions is important in the process of learning from your guilt. Excuses and deflection, keep you from the meaning-making process of your mistakes and the potential necessity of amends.
Self-Forgiveness: As much as we implore you to learn from this process, it is vital to remember that you are human and we all make mistakes. During this process, you deserve self-care and to be kind to yourself, you are worthy of self-compassion in the midst of your growth.
Making Amends: When your actions contribute to the harm of others an important process of working through the guilt is to make amends and work towards repairing what has been harmed. From sincere apologies, correcting the mistake, or agreeing to a beneficial change, taking steps to progressively address your guilt can help to aid in the process of mending and reconciliation.
Finding Purpose: Allow your feelings of guilt to be a motivator for taking steps forward with more intention. Let the signals of your emotions allow you to redirect towards that which aligns with your values and helps you to contribute to your relationships and community with care.
So while guilt in its initial stages can feel like an exhausting burden to face, it does offer a chance for self-discovery and expansion. Embracing your authenticity can work towards providing guilt with compassion that allows its messages to inform us and how we show up for those in our lives. Let’s try to see guilt as an opportunity for change. Providing you with chances to learn from your experiences and figure out how to live in a way that aligns with your values and creates room for your transformation along the way.
Receiving professional support can help navigate complex and impactful emotions. At Avedian Counseling Center, we have experts who are here to help. We have multiple locations in the Northern Los Angeles area and offer both individual and group setting options. Reach out today to learn about our counselors, services, and availability to find the right fit for you.
Carly Rose Schwan is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist at Avedian Counseling Centers offering therapy in Glendale and Sherman Oaks to individuals and couples. Carly Rose Schwan works as an associate therapist under the licensed supervision of Chrys Gkotsi, LMFT #113638.
