Negative self-talk is the voice in our head that is usually our worst critic. Our thoughts sound critical, discouraging, and doubtful and may feel never-ending. The voices in your head may sound like, “You are not good enough,” “You are not smart,” or “You will never be successful”. Common negative self-talk types include catastrophizing thoughts, mind-reading, “should” statements, and fortune-telling. These cognitive distortions alter our perception of ourselves and our sense of reality. They are irrational thoughts that influence how we think, act, and see the world.
Four common thought distortions:
- Catastrophizing thoughts – Visualizing the worst possible outcome in a situation.
- Mind-reading – The interpretation of other peoples’ thoughts and beliefs or assuming what someone else is thinking.
- “Should” statement – Believing that something should be a certain way. (i.e., “I should not make mistakes”)
- Fortune-telling – Predicting a negative outcome without considering the realistic possibilities of the situation or odds.
These types of self-defeating thoughts and language can greatly impact our mood and sense of self. Most of the time, it is an irrational way of looking at ourselves and a skewed perception of the world around us. Recognizing these patterns and working through them can not only help silence your inner critic but also start building a positive self-image.
Our self-esteem and self-image are shaped by the values and beliefs we hold within ourselves. Confidence and self-esteem go hand in hand and can be best described as the thoughts and feelings we have that help define who we are. We can have negative and positive thoughts that shape how we view and speak about ourselves. Life is full of challenges, setbacks, and successes, therefore one’s self-esteem can shift over time depending on the experience.
It is nearly impossible to get rid of all negative thoughts. A more realistic goal would be to work toward re-framing the negative thoughts rather than fully eliminating them. One way we can practice this is by challenging our thoughts. When a negative thought arrives, question its validity and find a different perspective. For example, the negative thought may look like, “I will never finish this task on time because it is way too complicated. I should have never agreed to take this on”. To challenge this thought, ask yourself these questions:
- Are there other ways I can complete this task? Can I ask for support?
- Are there examples of times I have succeeded at a task even though it was challenging?
- Have I broken this task down into more manageable steps?
In the end, the re-framed thought can look like, “This task seems complex, but I can break it down into more manageable steps and seek support along the way. I have overcome challenging tasks before and I know that I can overcome this one. I can figure this out”. By paying attention to your negative thought patterns and working toward re-framing them, you are one step closer to improving your self-esteem and self-talk. By practicing this skill, you will build on your confidence, learn to focus on new perspectives, and increase problem-solving skills.
If you’re looking for further assistance, seek therapeutic health toward your emotional and mental well-being. At Avedian Counseling Center, we have professionals to assist you in navigating the complexities and challenges of working through negative thought patterns to increase self-worth and self-acceptance. To learn more about our services and receive support, reach out today to pave the way toward your growth.
Rita Akhian, AMFT#142256 is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist at Avedian Counseling Center offering individual, couples, and family therapy in Sherman Oaks and Glendale. Rita works under the licensed supervision of Chrys Gkotsi, LMFT #113638.
