How to Build Trust Between Teens and Parents

How to Build Trust Between Teens and Parents

One of the key foundations of all healthy relationships consists of trust. Trust creates a sense of safety and strengthens the connection in any relationship. Trust between a parent and child is important for both sides to express their thoughts and feelings freely, without the fear of judgment or rejection. It helps teens feel secure enough to share their inner world and helps parents feel confident that their child can make responsible choices. 

How to Tell if Trust is Broken in a Parent/Teen Relationship?

1. Guarded Communication
   1. Topics feel tense, distant, brief, or defensive. 
2. Hiding Information & Withdrawal
   1. Physical isolation and withdrawal 
   2. Emotional withdrawal and avoidance of topics where no thoughts or emotions are being shared. Also, honesty decreases, and information is withheld to avoid conflict. 
   3. The parent may start to monitor their teen’s cell phone, check social media, and track locations out of anxiety and fear. 
3. Heated Discussions/Arguments
   1. Most discussions are explosive and lead to arguments, often met with frustration, anger, and suspicion. There is name-calling, blaming, and defensiveness present. 

These are just a few of the many signs that may be present. These behaviors can sometimes be seen as “rebellion,” but that’s not always the case. In many situations, they are protective mechanisms that are ways your teen copes with emotional discomfort. To begin rebuilding trust and make a change, begin by examining these signs as a signal to work on fostering understanding and reassurance. 

How to Tell if There is Trust in a Parent/Teen Relationship?

1. Teens feel safe to share their inner world while parent feels confident in their teens to make responsible decisions.
2. Conversation Flows Effortlessly
   1. There is no fear of “saying the wrong thing” or feeling judged. Communication feels genuine and expressive. 
3. Healthy Boundaries Exist and are Maintained
   1. Privacy, independence, and emotional space are honored without feeling threatened or rejected. 
   2. Teens feel free to make choices such as the clothes they wear, the friends they hang around with, and the interests they have. If mistakes are made, they are seen as learning opportunities rather than reasons for shame. 
4. Shared Responsibility
   1. Parents do not feel like they are “hovering” or “micromanaging” personal responsibilities, homework, or chores. 

Tips to Build Trust: 

1. Listen to understand one another rather than react quickly. Use a “pause and reflect” technique to slow down, and repeat/summarize what you heard before providing an answer or reacting. 
2. Try to avoid jumping to conclusions or assumptions by asking questions such as, “Can you explain that to me one more time?” or “Help me understand what happened”. Avoid accusatory statements such as “Why did you do that?”. 
3. Maintain consistency in your efforts or words. Following through on your promises will demonstrate reliability and help in building trust over time. 
4. Recognize positive decisions or behaviors that your teen demonstrates and praise them for their efforts. For example, if you recognize a responsible choice made by your teen, speak about it and make sure they know you took notice. 

The good news is that trust can be rebuilt with time. There is a need for acknowledgment, consistency, and empathy throughout this process. Acknowledge the ruptures in the relationship to work toward repair and be sure to demonstrate this through actions, rather than just words. Practice open communication, sticking to promises, and validating/reassuring each other’s feelings. Although it is a gradual process, staying consistent and open will restore a sense of emotional safety in the relationship. 

Seeking therapy, such as collateral parent sessions alongside your teen’s therapy or family therapy, can support rebuilding trust and developing healthier, more effective communication skills. A therapist can help both parents and teens feel heard and understood, while guiding them to express their needs respectfully.

If you’re looking for further assistance in your relationship, seek therapeutic help for your emotional and mental well-being. At Avedian Counseling Center, we have professionals ready to help you navigate relationship challenges. To learn more about our services and receive support, reach out today to pave the way toward your growth.