Self-esteem is defined as the value we hold for ourselves and how we perceive the world around us. One’s self-esteem can shape the way that they think, behave, feel, and interact with the world around them. High self-esteem can be attributed to healthy levels of confidence and worthiness. A person with high self-esteem believes, “I am resilient and will make it through the toughest days”. In contrast, someone with low self-esteem would perceive themselves negatively and experience feelings of inadequacy. This person may believe, “there is nothing I am good at”. Additionally, our inner voices become loud, harsh, and critical rather than helpful, forgiving, and kind.
What causes low self-esteem?
There are many factors that impact one’s self-esteem. This can look different for everyone, and understanding where it comes from is the first step to learning how to fix self-esteem.
- Core Beliefs
- Core beliefs is a term coined from Cognitive-behavioral theory (CBT). It is often described how we define ourselves, others, and the world around us through our subconscious mind. Some examples of core beliefs may look like, “I am not good enough,” “I am not smart,” and “I am unlovable”. Core beliefs are formed through childhood and lived experiences that we hold as “absolute truths” underneath our surface-level thoughts. Step one would be to identify and bring awareness to our automatic negative thoughts about ourselves that are acting as a response to our core beliefs.
- Core beliefs are subjective and cannot be easily tested. Most of the time, we create rigid rules for ourselves to protect us from future emotional pain. For example, a core belief of “I am a failure” can have a protective rule that says, “don’t take risks or try new things”. This type of rule is designed to protect you from future possibilities of failure that reinforce your original core belief of “I am a failure”. As a result, it holds you back from taking new chances, missing opportunities, and impeding your growth.
- Trauma and ACEs
- Childhood trauma and emotional experiences (i.e., physical, sexual, emotional, or psychological) can affect one’s sense of self. Victims of abuse may develop blaming and shame-based inner dialogue about themselves. Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) are traumatic events that occur before the age of 18. An individual with a high ACE score is more likely to feel inadequate, flawed, and worthless. Trauma can impact one’s ability to form secure attachments and maintain healthy relationships. Your past can contribute to toxic relationships. Working through your trauma with a licensed professional can be helpful to work through the belief systems you have created and reconnect with your sense of self to feel safe. With proper help, you can heal through rewriting your story to reflect who you truly are and not the trauma you lived through or made you believe.
If you’re looking for further assistance, seek therapeutic help for your emotional and mental well-being. At Avedian Counseling Center, we have professionals ready to assist you in navigating the challenges of working through strong emotions, low self-esteem, and trauma. To learn more about our services and receive support, reach out today to pave the way toward your growth.
Rita Akhian, AMFT#142256 is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist at Avedian Counseling Center offering individual, couples, and family therapy in Sherman Oaks and Glendale. Rita works under the licensed supervision of Chrys Gkotsi, LMFT #113638.
