Infidelity in a relationship is one of the most challenging obstacles for a couple to navigate. It can very well shake the foundation of any relationship. It can leave both couples with intense and distressing emotions such as anger, confusion, guilt, sadness, and betrayal. This can be extremely overwhelming for both partners. If you are dealing with infidelity in your relationship, it is important to know that healing is possible. The following is a guide to help you during this difficult time.
Three Ways to Deal with Infidelity
1. Be Open and Honest:
Does vulnerability and honesty feel scary? Does it feel uncomfortable? It usually does for most! Communicating openly and honestly is essential to working through infidelity. The involved partner (the partner who had the affair) must be transparent, while the hurt partner expresses their emotions calmly. It is crucial for the involved partner to express remorse openly, without rationalizing the behavior. For example, the involved partner may justify their actions by blaming the hurt partner’s lack of intimacy.
Make sure to create a safe space for dialogue. This may include scheduling the conversation to a time/place/day when both partners feel emotionally ready and comfortable to discuss. Use “I” statements to express your feelings without placing blame. For instance, you can say, “I feel hurt when I think about what happened,” rather than, “You hurt me by cheating.”
2. Rebuild Trust Slowly:
Trust takes time to rebuild. It will take patience and consistency. Oftentimes, this can look like the hurt partner requesting access to emails, phones, and social media, and limiting interactions with those perceived to be a threat to the relationship. These requests are made to begin establishing security within the relationship. Although it is a slow process, be sure to recognize the effort and acknowledge the small changes the involved partner makes.
3. Implement Clear Boundaries:
Take time to understand your own needs, values, and limits. Boundaries should be mutually agreed upon and respected. Have a clear and open discussion about what feels comfortable and what does not. Be assertive and maintain consistency in upholding your boundaries. For instance, the hurt partner may have a boundary such as, “I need transparency from you regarding your interactions with others”. This boundary communicates to the involved partner that honesty and transparency are valued and important to feel emotionally safe in the relationship.
When both partners agree to respect one another’s boundaries, the foundation of trust can begin to rebuild. Note that it is just as important that the hurt partner recognizes the demands they place on the involved partner which can feel controlling. Consequently, the involved partner struggles with not feeling trusted and being controlled, which can delay the work the relationship requires to heal.
If there has been infidelity, be sure to seek professional support, be open and honest with one another, work towards building trust, and set clear boundaries. Here at Avedian Counseling Center, we have professionals to assist you in navigating the complexities and challenges of infidelity and other issues within relationships. To learn more about our services and receive support, reach out today to pave the way toward your growth and healing.
Rita Akhian, AMFT#142256 is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist at Avedian Counseling Center offering individual, couples, and family therapy in Sherman Oaks and Glendale. Rita works under the licensed supervision of Chrys Gkotsi, LMFT #113638.
Rita Akhian, AMFT#142256 is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist at Avedian Counseling Center offering individual, couples, and family therapy in Sherman Oaks and Glendale. Rita works under the licensed supervision of Chrys Gkotsi, LMFT #113638.
