Navigating jealousy in relationships can be difficult, there are many different perceptions of its role and importance within our relationships, which is why it is important to take the time to explore its roots. Some perceive jealousy as a sign of true love or desire while others note it to be a dangerous marker of distrust. Wikipedia defines it as a secondary emotion that is activated by typically negative assumptions, and/or feelings of fear, insecurity, and anxiety due to the perception of potential loss. While ultimately it is a natural human emotion, its presence is often attached to this fear of losing something you hold dear. So while it is helpful to know that pings of jealousy are considered normal, chronic unwavering jealousy is often a sign of deeper wounds around a lack of trust, relational instability, and fear of losing a connection.
What is the Consequence of Jealousy?
Chronic jealousy can be a destructive force eroding away at the foundation of trust and security needed for relationships to thrive. When jealousy becomes a constant within a relationship it can undermine the sense of care shared by partners leading to unhealthy dynamics. Unrelenting jealousy often is associated with discontentment within one’s relationship, those who are unable to process or healthily address their jealousy can act out in ways that are unwarranted and potentially dangerous. When one is flooded by fear and insecure instincts, possessive drives can lead to controlling behaviors and diminish the sense of freedom or safety for both partners.
What Jealousy is Trying to Tell Us?
While jealousy is often thought of as a painful emotional process, evolutionarily it could have been regarded as a vital signal that a valued dynamic is in danger. It can be thought of as an important emotion as it helps to maintain social connections prompting people to engage in relationally preserving actions to regain and maintain their valued relationships. Overall, jealousy is an adaptive feeling that was meant to help preserve a relationship and when confronted with intention has the ability to bring people closer through transparent and respectful communication. So while we might be quick to judge our jealous feelings, it can be helpful to remind yourself that it is a signal and message to be tuned into that one’s relational value has diminished or there is fear of growing apart.
How Do I Stop Being Jealous? Building Trust in a Healthy Relationship Dynamic
Lasting love is built on trust, respect, and mutual care. A healthy relational dynamic thrives on open communication and reassurance, while possessiveness and insecurity erode away at those foundation stabilizers. So while it might feel validating for a partner to fear losing you, let’s step back and consider the costs of promoting and fostering doubt.
How Do I Overcome Jealousy?
Open a dialogue with your partner about these feelings. Whether it is fear of losing someone you love or that they may not love you enough. By addressing the complications of jealousy directly the assumptions that usually drive its intense ache can ease. Creating an avenue to strengthen your bonds and cultivate dynamics built on genuine trust and love.
How to Deal with Being Jealous in a Relationship?
Practical Steps to Navigate Jealousy
- Acknowledge the Emotion: It is vital to acknowledge that our emotions are messengers that need to be felt and understood. When we ignore the signals of discomfort they typically grow and in time can become unmanageable. Jealousy can feel overwhelming, but it isn’t something to be hidden, how you navigate it has far-reaching implications.
- Communicate Openly: When addressing your feelings, steer clear of blaming your partner, it is important to share what you are feeling in a non-accusatory manner. It is suggested to use “I” statements to address how you have been feeling, sharing with them the direct emotions that have been activated within you. If we blame those around us they are likely to become defensive instead of slowing down to hear how you might be needing reassurance and comfort around your relationship.
- Reassure Each Other: It is of immense value to be able to both provide and ask for reassurance within your relationship. Jealousy is often attached to the fear of being disposable and therefore creating time to value and reaffirm your love can have numerous benefits.
- Work on Self-Esteem: Relationships can be seen as mirrors that let us detect where our triggers and insecurities reside. Putting time and effort into building up your self-confidence and acknowledging the roots of your fears can help to lessen the impact and destructive potential of jealousy.
- Seek Professional Help: If your struggles with jealousy are persistently and negatively impacting your well-being and relationships consider seeking extra support from a therapist. It can be helpful to have a space to unpack the difficulties of building trust and navigating distress within your relationships.
Conclusion
Remember love should feel like a safe place to land. So while jealousy can feel like a marker of devotion, it’s important to acknowledge and come to understand what is underneath that signal is the grip of fear. With the cultivation of trust, open communication, and mutual respect, jealousy’s messages can help direct you towards feeling supported in your relational dynamic.
Carly Rose Schwan is a Certified Anger Management Counselor and an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist at Avedian Counseling Centers under the licensed supervision of Chrys Gkotsi, LMFT #113638. Offering individual and couples therapy in Glendale and Los Angeles, Carly Rose specializes in helping empower individuals to face their vulnerability and work toward acceptance instead of struggling with anger and low self-esteem.
Carly Rose Schwan is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist at Avedian Counseling Centers offering therapy in Glendale and Sherman Oaks to individuals and couples. Carly Rose Schwan works as an associate therapist under the licensed supervision of Chrys Gkotsi, LMFT #113638.
